A
Life Less Ordinary
By John
Hodge
EXT.
AMERICAN GOTHIC VILLA. DAY
Sunlight
sparkles off the water on a swimming pool.
It is
a bright, hot day.
The mansion
sits on a hill. In front of it is a swimming pool, a terrace
and, around that, extensive gardens.
A butler,
Mayhew, leaves the villa and walks around the pool. He is
carrying a silver tray on which are a glass of water, an apple and
a
polished wooden box.
Mayhew
walks beyond the pool to the terrace, where Celine, a beautiful
woman in her twenties, is seated. He places the box, the glass and
the
apple on the tile beside her.
He moves
several yards away, impassively holding the tray behind his
back.
Celine
reaches down and takes a sip of water. She lifts the apple, gives
it
a shine, then throws it to Mayhew, who catches it in one hand.
She opens
the box, which is lined with velvet. Inside is a shiny revolver
and a single round of ammunition.
Celine
lifts the gun and the bullet and stands up. She walks a few paces,
loading the gun as she goes, and stops in front of Mayhew, who is
still
several yards away.
Mayhew,
slightly nervous now, places the apple on his head and
breathes carefully.
Celine
raises the gun in both hands and takes aim.
She fires.
The apple explodes.
Mayhew
runs a hand through his hair.
Celine
smiles and opens the revolver.
The empty
casing falls to the tiles.
CUT TO
TITLES
INT.
WHITE SQUAD ROOMS. DAY
Typical,
true-life cop-show-style squad rooms. All telephones, typewriters
and coffee, wire grilles, warning notices, chewing gum and bare light
bulbs.
Cops
stand around, bantering and arguing with each other and with
newly booked prostitues, ect.
All this
with one difference: everything is white, absolutely everything-
walls, desks, floors, clothes, shoulder holsters, ect. Everything.
Walking
through all this is the Chief: a frizzled senior 'cop' of imposing
physical bulk called Gabriel. He is carrying a bunch of white files
as he
weaves his way through the room.
He is
followed by two other 'cops': a large heavy man in his fifties,
Jackson, and a wiry woman of similar age, O'Reilly. All are dressed
in
white.
They
pass by the scene described above, catching snatches of pleas of
innocence or accusations of guilt, until Gabriel leads them into his
bleak
white office.
INT.
GABRIEL'S OFFICE. DAY
Gabriel
pulls down a blind to shut off the chaos outside and dumps the
files on his desk.
Jackson
and O'Reilly sit.
Gabriel
glares at them in silence. Then he lifts the files one by one and,
as he comments, drops them to the floor.
GABRIEL
Divorced. Divorced. Wedding cancelled. Separated with
divorce pending. Remarried and divorced again. Irretrievable
marital breakdown. Divorced, divorced, divorced.
Gabriel
dumps to the floor all the rest except one.
Well?
Jackson
and O'Reilly squirm in silence.
Talk
to me!
JACKSON
We had a bad run.
O'REILLY
Things have changed down there. Men and women, they're
not like they used to be.
GABRIEL
Well, things have changed up here as well. I'm getting
pressure, from above - you know what I'm saying. For
results, OK, for couples to be joined in eternal happiness.
The existence of the whole department is, frankly, under
review. In the meantime, I am instructed to introduce a
new incentive scheme for our leading operatives.
O'REILLY
Leading operatives, huh?
GABRIEL
That's you.
O'REILLY
Skip the flattery, Gabriel. Where's the beef?
Gabriel
throws the final white file to O'Reilly, who catches but
does not open it.
GABRIEL
It's a difficult one, but you'll crack it. And if you don't,
well, then you don't come back.
JACKSON/O'REILLY
What? No way!
GABRIEL
That's the new incentive scheme.
JACKSON
You're not serious?
GABRIEL
You better believe I am. Your mission is to unite man and
woman in blah blah blah. When you've done that, you come
back. If you fail, you stay down there for ever.
JACKSON
Special powers?
GABRIEL
No special powers. You know the rules. You go to earth,
you're pretty much like everybody else. You just last longer.
JACKSON
The rules suck, Gabriel.
O'REILLY
The whole thing sucks.
GABRIEL
It's out of my hands.
JACKSON
I hate it down there. I really hate it.
GABRIEL
If I was you, I'd start with the girl.
O'Reilly
opens the file.
EXT.
VILLA. DAY.
Another
apples sits on Mayhew's head.
A bullet
destroys the apple.
Celine
lowers the gun and loads another round.
A previously
unseen figure speaks to her. This is Elliot, a
suave, handsome, loathsome man in his thrities.
ELLIOT
Nice trick, Celine.
CELINE
Want to try your luck?
ELLIOT
With the gun?
CELINE
With the fruit.
ELLIOT
I have no time for games.
CELINE
Elliot, if you're afraid, why not just say so?
ELLIOT
Last night we discussed a certain proposal.
CELINE
And I said no. Because you cheat, Elliot.
ELLIOT
OK, I'm flirtatious - it's my nature. But I want you to
think again. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for
a woman to find a good husband in this town? Or a good
dentist for that matter? Celine - I'm serious.
Celine
holds another apple and throws it to Elliot, who catches
it.
CELINE
How serious?
INT.
CLEANER'S STOREROOM. DAY
The room
is cramped and windowless.
On a
shelf is the store of cleaning fluids, dusters, sponges, small
brushes, ect., and in one corner a cluster of mops and buckets.
The only
furniture is a square table with a chair on each side.
Robert,
a man in his twenties, sits at the table with two older men,
Ted and Frank, who listen impassively.
All three
wear badges identifying them as Hygene Operatives.
ROBERT
She's the secret daughter of Marilyn Monroe and John F.
Kennedy, right? That's why Marilyn was murdered. So
the little girl grows up in an orphanage, unaware of her
incredible parentage. Years go by. She's beautiful,
she's smart, she's successful, OK?
TED
Then what?
ROBERT
Then she gets sent to London as US Ambassador.
FRANK
Where she discovers who she is and also unravels the secret
of the Nazi gold underneath the embassy.
ROBERT
Uh - yeah.
TED
It's kind of obvious, Robert.
ROBERT
Of course it's obvious, guys, it's a trash novel. You buy it
at the airport, you take it on holiday.
Ted and
Frank abruptly stiffen, alerting Robert to the fact that
someone has entered the room behind him.
Robert
turns and immediately gets up. A severe-looking woman is
standing there: the supervisor, Ms Gesteten.
Ms Gesteten,
what a pleasure to see you down here. We'd
love to stay and talk, but you know how it is.
Robert
picks up a tray of cleaning fluid, dusters, ect., and walks
towards the door.
Ms Gesteten
raises a hand to his chest and stops him.
With
her other hand she produces an envelope from her jacket, as
though it were a knife.
Robert
steps back and looks at teh envelope. Slowly, he reaches up
to take it.
EXT.
VILLA. DAY
Elliot
is balancing the apple on his head, his eyes tightly shut.
CELINE
Are you ready?
Elliot
says nothing.
Celine
loads the gun.
If you
move, the offer is cancelled.
ELLIOT
Celine, are you sure this is wise?
Celine
takes aim.
CELINE
Don't talk. It puts me off.
Elliot
shuts up.
Celine
prepares to fire.
Just
as she is about to do so, Elliot steps forward, hand raised
like a traffic cop.
ELLIOT
Stop -
Bang.
Elliot
lies on the terrace, his legs twitching frantically as a
pool of blood spreads out from his head.
Celine
remains calm.
CELINE
Mayhew, would you call for a doctor?
Mayhew
stands beside Celine and they both watch the writhing,
screaming Elliot.
MAYHEW
It will be my pleasure.
INT.
CLEANER'S STOREROOM. DAY
Robert
has opened the envelope and read the letter. Frank and Ted
stand behind him as he addresses Ms Gesteten.
ROBERT
Robots? You're trying to tell us we're going to be replaced
with robots? That robots are going to get down on their
little robot hands and knees and wipe the dust from every
corner of every office in this building? I think not, Ms
Gesteten.
MS GESTETEN
At least the robot won't spend it's time writing a trash
novel. Not even a very good trash novel, as I understand it.
Robert
shoots an accusing glance at Ted and Frank, who avert their
eyes.
ROBERT
Oh, I see. It's personal
MS GESTETEN
This has nothing to do with me, Rovert. It comes right from
the top, from Mr Naville himself. Increased efficiency and
less corporate fat all the way down.
ROBERT
Well, maybe it's time I paid a visit to this Mr Naville guy.
Robert
walks to the door.
MS GESTETEN
It's too late.
Robert
stops.
You're
fired.
INT.
AL'S BAR/DINER. DAY
*[Close-up:
a knife spins over a circle drawn on a bar top. The
circle is divided in half, one marked "whisky" and the other
"beer".
The knife
stops at "whisky".
Al's
Bar/Diner is a basic but friendly place. There are stools
alongside the bar and booths with tables. The proprietor, Al, is a
man in his fifties.
Robert
is seated at the bar.
The proprietor,
Al, is a man in his fifties.
ROBERT
Whisky, please, Al.
AL
Alcohol will not solve your problems.
Al lifts
the old hunting knife and drops it back in a wooden box
that sits near by. He flips the lid firmly shut.
ROBERT
I realize that.
AL
All it will do is cause them to recede temporarily behind a
misleading haze of impaired consciousness.
ROBERT
Better make it a double, then.]
Robert
downs most of his drink immediately.
As Al
walks away, the waitress, Lily, approaches.
LILY
What are you doing here at this time of day?
ROBERT
Hi, Lily
LILY
Well? Answer me. You're supposed to be at work.
ROBERT
I got bad news
LILY
Bad news? What kind of bad news?
ROBERT
Lily, I - I got fired.
Lily's
demeanour shifts to cold as she withdraws her hand from
his.
LILY
That kind of bad news.
ROBERT
They've replaced me with a robot.
LILY
I know how they feel
ROBERT
Huh?
LILY
I've been meaning to tell you for a while and now seems as
good a time as any. Robert, I'm leaving you.
ROBERT
Leaving me? What are you talking about?
LILY
His name is Ryan. He teaches aerobics. We're in love and
we're going to Miami.
ROBERT
Lily, how can you do this to me? At a time like this?
He reaches
for her. She steps back.
LILY
I want a man, not a dreamer.
ROBERT
I don't know what to say. We could talk about this. I'll
get another job. We can put things back together.
LILY
Sorry, but as of tonight you're going home alone.
Lily
walks away. Robert is speechless.
Al silently
reappears and refills Robert's glass.
EXT.
ROBERT'S HOUSE. NIGHT
Robert
slowly ascends the stairs until he reaches his door. He
opens it, walks in and closes it.
INT.
ROBERT'S BEDROOM. NIGHT
Robert
sits on one side of the bed. He closes his eyes and lies
back.
INT.
CHEST
A human
heart beats with increasing speed and volume, reaching a
crescendo.
Suddenly
it stops.
The heart
is completely still.
A flash
of white light engulfs the screen.
INT.
ROBERT'S BEDROOM. DAY
Robert
awakes in the bright daylight.
He becomes
aware of a loud, persistent knocking and gets up,
stumbling through the hallway.
INT./EXT.
ROBERT'S HOUSE. DAY
Robert
opens the door.
A man
and a woman stand there, both wearing raincoats.
They
are Jackson and O'Reilly, now dressed in normal, non-white
versions of their clothes.
Behind
them stands a crew of four young men.
JACKSON
Mr Robert Lewis?
ROBERT
Yes, that's me.
JACKSON
My name is Jackson. This is my associate, Ms O'Reilly.
We're from the Firm But Fair Collection and Eviction
Agency.
He hands
over a card with that imprint and produces a sheet of
typed paper.
Now,
I have a list of certain items that we are empowered
to collect under federal and state law in lieu of unpaid
debts.
Jackson
pauses sympathetically.
O'Reilly
prompts him with a cough.
Furthermore,
we are contracted to serve upon you notice of
eviction from these premises her forthwith.
*[ ROBERT
I beg your pardon.
O'REILLY
One year of unpaid rent, Mac.
ROBERT
But I gave my girlfriend the money to pay the -
He realizes.
JACKSON
These things happen. Women are fickle.]
O'REILLY
Now, we can do this with violence or without. It's up to
you. The client pays our medical bills but not yours. Well?
ROBERT
Uh - without, please.
EXT.
STREET OUTSIDE ROBERT'S HOUSE. DAY
Outside
the house, Robert watches the crew of men load the last of
the furniture into a van, then climb into the back as Jackson
drives it away.
Robert
stands alone on the street. He has nothing.
*[INT.
AL'S BAR/DINER. DAY
There
are about a dozen people, eating and drinking.
Robert
sits at his regular stool, a drink in front of him.
Al approaches.
AL
She's gone. She ain't coming back.
Robert
drinks.
You
should get a job.
ROBERT
I had a job yesterday. I had a job, a girl, an apartment.
Everything. Now: nothing. I ask myself, what went wrong?
AL
You got fired. That's what went wrong.
ROBERT
Yeah, I got fired. That's where it started. Al, the knife.
AL
What's it going to be?
ROBERT
Revenge. Or suicide.
The whole
bar goes silent. Everyone turns to look at Robert.
Al reaches
under the bar and lifts out the wooden box. He places
it on the bar.
A small
crowd is gathering around Robert.
The box
flips open spontaneously, startling the crowd. Inside is
the old hunting knife. The blade gleams.
Al hands
Robert a thick felt-tip pen and Robert begins drawing on
the bar top.
AL
You sure?
Robert
lifts the knife from it's box.
On top
of the bar, he has drawn a circle, divided in two. One
half is marked "suicide", the other "revenge".
Watched
with rapt attention, he spins the knife.
It stops
at "suicide".
Maybe
you should make it best of three.
Multiple
cuts of the knife spinning and stopping dead on "suicide"
every time.
The knife
rests at "suicide".
ROBERT
Last time.
He spins
the knife.
The crowd
watches tensely. Some cross themselves. Others bite
their nails or clutch lucky charms.
The knife
spins like a propeller for ages.
It stops
dead on the line between the two halves.
Robert
leans right down to the level of the blade and the line.
It is just on the side of revenge.
I think
that's it.
There
is a mighty cheer.
Robert
makes his way to the door with people shaking his hand and
patting him on the back.
He leaves
the bar.
Unseen
by anyone, the knife spontaneously turns quite clearly to
"suicide".]
EXT.
OFFICE BUILDING. DAY
A stream
of workers are leaving the building at the end of the day.
Robert
is able to snead into the building unnoticed.
INT.
OFFICE BUILDING/FOYER. DAY
Robert
walks pas reception with confidence and into the crowded
foyer.
Two Security
Men notice him now but he reaches the elevator in
time.
INT.
ELEVATOR. DAY
Robert
travels up in the elevator alone.
INT.
NAVILLE'S OFFICE. DAY
Naville,
a tough, imposing man in his fifties, turns from the
window and begins speaking with anger to someone unseen standing
at the far end of his office.
NAVILLE
You caught him through the frontal lobes, so apparently he'll
live, but he'll never practise orthodontics again. Do you have
any idea how difficult it is to find a good husband in this
town? Or a good dentist for that matter?
His lecture
is directed at Celine.
INT.
OFFICE BUILDING CORRIDOR. DAY
The elevator
arrives. Robert steps out and begins striding along
the corridor towards Naville's office.
He stops.
Ahead
of him a machine the size of a holdall is automatically
wiping and polishing the floor.
Robert
picks it up and carries on walking. The machine continues to
wipe and polish the air.
INT.
NAVILLE'S OFFICE. DAY
Naville's
lecture continues.
NAVILLE
Playing this sort of game, you have disgraced yourself once
again. My fear is that you will end up like your mother, who
long ago found her own natural level in society - that is to
say, she scuttles along the bottom.
CELINE
Her biggest problem was marrying a man like you - a mistake
I have taken great care to avoid.
Naville
reflects on this and suppresses his rage.
NAVILLE
You're going to go to work.
CELINE
What?
NAVILLE
You have spent a quarter of a century watching the tide go in
and out, but from tomorrow you will work. Here, under my
supervision. You will learn the essence of business. How to
generate a profit from a loss and a loss from a profit. About
money and how it flows relentlessly back towards he who owns
it. You will work. Now, that may not strike you as very
palatable. It may make you want to vomit. You will, however,
get used to the taste and pretty soon you will be spooning it
down and asking for more like all the other kids.
The door
bursts open.
Robert
steps in, still carrying the robot. He sees Naville but not
Celine, who watches with detached curiosity.
ROBERT
Mr Naville, I presume.
Naville
says nothing.
You
think you can replace me with a robot? Well, get this.
With
a grunt, Robert heaves the robot through the air towards one
of the large windows.
They
watch it travel. It hits the window, bounces harmlessly off
the security glass and lands back on the floor, still cleaning and
polishing.
They
contemplate the pathetic outcome of Robert's protest.
Suddenly
Robert is buried under a mountain of blue-uniformed Security
Guards, kicking and punching him. He struggles.
Naville
watches.
Celine
continues to watch.
Robert
manages to pull a pistol from one of the Guards' holster. He
leaps back and holds it up.
Everybody
stand still.
There
is a moment of stillness.
One of
the Guards steps up and punches Robert, who falls to the
ground, the pistol flying from his grip to the floor. All four
Guards pounce on him again, laying punches and kicks.
Everything
appears to be lost.
The pistol
now lies beyond Robert's reach, on the floor between him
and Celine.
Celine
watches the assult and notes Robert's hand reaching out in
vain for the pistol, just in front of her. She looks at her father
again. He is staring out of the window. It takes hardly any effort,
it might almost be an accident:
She kicks
the pistol towards Robert's hand.
Robert
grips it instinctively, points it upward and fires.
The Guards
are startled and loosen their grip for a moment.
Robert
leaps to his feet. He has everyone's attention now.
Robert
approaches Naville with the gun.
Down
on the floor!
The guards
immediately throw themselves to the floor.
Everybody!
Naville
lies on the floor.
Celine
stands back, unnoticed, still watching.
Now,
I want my job back.
Robert
swivels and shoots the robot twice. It has a final wipe
and dies.
Naville
remains silent.
I want
what I had before, Mr Naville. I'm going to count
to five and, if you don't oblige me, I'm going to kill you.
One. Two. Three. Four...
Robert
braces himself. Everyone waits for him to fire. He can't
do it. They're still waiting.
CELINE
Five.
Startled,
Robert fires the gun, shooting Naville in the thigh.
Naville
screams and clutches at his bleeding thigh. With the
other hand he grips Robert's ankle. Robert tries to retreat, but
succeeds only in dragging the cursing, bleeding Naville across
the office floor.
ROBERT
What did you say that for?
CELINE
Five comes directly after four.
ROBERT
I know that.
CELINE
I thought maybe you had a problem - it's nothing to be ashamed
of - without access to a good education -
ROBERT
Shut up.
CELINE
Only trying to help.
ROBERT
I don't need any help.
Naville
continues to hold Robert's ankle with a bloody hand, gripping
it tightly.
NAVILLE
You'll die for this. I swear, you'll die for this.
CELINE
You could just shoot him again if you like, maybe through the
head this time. I'll count to five and -
ROBERT
Shut up.
He pauses
for a moment. The pistol remains trained on Naville, who
is still clutching his ankle.
Who
are you anyway?
NAVILLE
She's nobody.
CELINE
I'm his daughter.
Robert
takes this in.
With
a final jerk, he wrenches his ankle out of Naville's grip.
Keeping
the gun trained on Naville, he walks slowly back to where
Celine stands.
He studies
her face intensely while she looks ahead towards her
father.
INT.
ELEVATOR. DAY
Robert
and Celine are descending towards the garage. He has the
gun raised to her head. The door opens.
INT.
UNDERGROUND CAR PARK. DAY
Robert
and Celine are walking towards Naville's car, a large black
limousine. She is being pushed forward by him.
As they
reach the car, Robert pushes Celine into the driving seat.
At the
far end of the garage a stairwell door opens and Security
Guards appear.
INT.
CAR. DAY
Robert
is in the front passenger seat. He leans across and puts
the key in the ignition.
At the
other end of the garage the Security Men are approaching
cautiously, moving from pillar to pillar.
ROBERT
Drive.
Celine
does nothing.
Robert
waves the gun beside her head and shouts.
Will
you just drive?
Celine
shouts back.
CELINE
I can't.
ROBERT
What?
CELINE
I don't know how.
ROBERT
You can't drive?
CELINE
No. I never learned.
ROBERT
Well, why not?
CELINE
I didn't need to.
ROBERT
Well, now you do. Press that pedal to go faster, that one
to go slower, that way to go forwards and that way to go
back. The rest you can pick up as you go along.
Robert
turns the ignition.
INT.
CAR PARK. DAY
The car
screeches out of the car park at speed.
EXT.
STREETS. DAY
The car
races through the city streets and onto the freeway,
narrowly missing other vehicles.
INT.
CAR. DAY
Celine
drives.
Robert
is nervous and irritable, still with the gun in his hand.
He winces as she nearly collides with another car.
CELINE
Where are we going?
ROBERT
Never mind. Drive more carefully.
CELINE
He just cut in on me.
ROBERT
Mirror. Signal. Manoeuvre.
They
drive in silence for a moment.
CELINE
You're not very comfortable with this situation, are you?
ROBERT
I know exactly what I'm doing. We're just going to drive
for a while. Then we'll go somewhere.
